Story Time
I start a story, you add to it building block style.
The sun was just beginning to rise as I strained to open my eyes. In the darkened corner of the room I noticed a man watching me. In his arms he was holding a duck ...
Ok ... go!
UPDATE: I'm not throwing y'all a new question until you've worked together to get this story up to 50 comments! Ha!
UPDATE 2: come on ... you guys are so close ... get creative ... I have new questions waiting to be posted!!
posted by punky @ 10:22 AM
46 Comments
46 Comments:
the size of a baby elephant. I've heard of Emotional Support Animals before, but Good Lord! Emotionally, he may be well on his way to recovery, but if he keeps lugging around 200 lbs.like that, the poor chap could be dead before sundown. It'd serve him right though. Anyone who purposely makes me crap myself when I wake up, should die a most fowl death. Then rather abruptly.......
the duck began quacking incessantly, and the strange man just stood there smiling, watching me rather intently as if he was waiting for me to do something. after a couple of seconds of being immersed into a quack-mire (haha!) of audibly irritating proportions, i lept up and.....
began quacking back. It was oddly soothing, this duck conversation. I'd never before realized how laid back ducks are. I could have kept on for much longer, when the man suddenly said,
"Wanna buy a duck?" I am a little down on my luck. I could let you have him for a buck. He is after all a magic duck. I got him from
...two dollars! "I'LL TAKE TWO!" I said triumpantly. A dark scowl appeared on the man's face as he spat back "I've only got one, you...
greedy duck hoarder!" Sam I Am was there, trying to sell passersby on the benefits of eating green eggs and ham in a house with a mouse. I offered him my extra dollar, and mentioned that I kept goat in my boat. He became visibly agitated, began shaking, and said...
several screaming monkeys. However, having a 200 pound duck under a left arm makes it difficult to do anything else, so I fell down the stairs outside my room. My oranges went everywhere, and my can of Cool Whip went flying
and was caught by a Brazilian Supermodel. Who said they needed directions for
waxing George Clooney. But then he hacked her to death with a kitchen knife and...
before I knew it the duck was a material witness in the trial of the century. Pundits were all over the airwaves trying to predict what the duck might testify to. But none of them predicted...
that the duck would be wearing a jilbab! "WTD?!" exclaimed the pundits. The justice, upon seeing the be-burqa'd duck said...
"You can't wear lime green tennies after Labor Day! This is a Prime example of...
...giving prime examples! Even though a lesser example would have sufficed, here we go just giving away prime examples all higglety pigglety! Like they don't even cost a dime! Why, in my day, we knew when to use a prime example. We savored them 'cause we never knew when we would be able to get another. By the way, nice ascot you have there." The justice then flashed his Official Dick Tracy's Little Detective Badge and propositioned the court reporter. After seeing this, the duck....
he picked-up the plate of foie gras, held it up over his little head and shouted, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna eat this anymore!"
He threw the plate, sending the blob of foie gras tumbling through the air, dripping it's greasy gooseness right into ...
a huge pile of Korouvian produce, which immediately...
started to move. For it had been irradiated in an freak grocery accident. It was now a new lifeform. It intended t make its first meal..
the pool boy.
I mean who doesn't love to eat pool boys? But the blob is hungry, it won't stop there. It must sustain it's appetite. I see it look direclty at me through my bedroom window, with those damned drippy eyes. I let out a shriek. I was still in my birthday suit. One might get the impression that .....
the old adage was true. You know the one that goes something like: "If you play with yourself too much you could wake up one day to find strangers with ducks and such in your bedroom, which will later, no doubt, turn into some sort of oozing blob." Yeah, I thought you did. But, the thing is. Well, it's not true. There's a perfectly good reason for all this. My therapist says .....
Sometimes a duck is just a duck, and a blob is just a blob. I think the important question is why are you looking for meaning in a duck and a blob? Another important question is where are your ...
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rubber gloves and gorilla bedroom slippers? You were pretty attached to them the last time you were here.
I told him that I had turned them in for...
be Mel Gibson's Jewish bartender. But being Wolfie's maid does get you exposed to some exotic sights, especially now that she ..
works for the Federal government. You have no idea the things that go on inside the US Treasury Building. Why just the other day...
the tour bus came through. It was from Uncle Mort's Home for the Elderly Midget. Of course they don't like being called midgets, they prefer to be called vertically challenged. But then we all want to be called something different, me I want to be called...
Shirley, but that's another story.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Wolfie, the nipple clamps, and GWB in a vat of chocolate.
So Laura walks in at that moment and says...
"You ruined my chocolate vat, you damnable cretins!!!"
Then she said, "Ah, what the hell..." and stripped down to her bra n' girdle set, and jumped in to join them. Just then...
I woke up screaming!
The thought of everyone in their skivvies and covered in chocolate was enough to wake me from my ketamine-induced coma. However, there really WAS a man in my room with a large duck under one arm. Turns out he was...
...the illegitmate great-grandson of Groucho Marx and he was giving me the duck in his will...
"Do I have to say the secret woid?"
He said...
"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." Which left me sweating in a cold fear. I'm not psychic, after all.
But then I thought, "Maybe the duck is!" It was looking at me very intently and seemed to be trying to bill a sentence at me...
(It's a duck, so obviously it can't mouth a sentence.)
When all of a sudden, it blurted out, much to incredible volume and exhasperation....
AAFFFLLAAACCCCC!!
His exclamation seemed to go on for eternity until...
I punted his fat ass out the window.
Then, I turned to Ichihiro Marx (for 'twas his name) and uttered the ever-popular line...
"Won't somebody PLEASE help me get this thread up to 50 comments so that Punky will post another question?"
But it was not to be. Ichihiro - or Itchy, as he liked to be known, had a pressing engagement at...
his dermatologist. It seems he may have come in contact with a certain plant in the woods will looking for musrooms. Not just any mushrooms, these were special and going to be used in an experiment to determine...
the mushrooms with the highest level of hallucineogen power possible, and further more be turned in to a precription drug and distributed to the masses. All was going well until the scientists came running in with beakers in their hands and....
...socks on their naughty parts a'la the Red Hot Chili Peppers circa 1987! They had taken the mushrooms and made themselves the subjects of the 'experiment,' so now they were tripping balls!!! They ran madly through the room, hooting in their psychadelic pandimonium, when...
Suddenly U2 busted through the door and began preaching world peace, brotherly love, and all that stuff in their U2 holier than thou way. As if the Red Hot Chili Peppers with socks on their ding dongs and U2's evangelists attitudes werent enough....
Sinead freaking O'connor walks in and opens up a can of SPAM. She starts eating the spam and says, "
my shoes smell like purple rainbow skies." which ultimately got a lot of strange looks, and engaged the topic of conversation into the realm of the existence of creativity. now obviously whoever chose to ponder if creativity really exists or not didnt consider thinking about....
living in a pineapple under the sea. Of course, you'd have to supply your own breathing apparatti and such. So it was recommended that they get all the surviving members of "Band Aid" together to do a rendition of Tito Jackson's greatest hit. The proceeds of the album will be donated to...
Michael Jacksons sex change operation, since we all know everyone is tired of that freaky guy hogging the...
Save the Squirrels, an organization founded after the famous Dave Barry made clear the danger they presented to the American way of life, causing a squirrelcide frenzy of ...
eating and hording nuts. The most trusted and respected news source in the world, Weekly World News, have reported that squirrel-consumption of nuts and wood-constructed homes is up nearly...
caused primarily by the use of peanut butter for caulking. A spokesman for the Builders association stated..
"None of this would have ever happened if the quota for comments wasnt as high as it was. We have a real crisis on our hands....God help us...."
Enough of this You get what you pay for. The end
*applauds wildly*
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