Monday, May 22, 2006

Survival Quiz

You fall into quick sand ... do you:
a. Swim like crazy
b. Hold your breath and wait for Westley to rescue you
c. Stay still and allow yourself to float to the top
d. Quickly start apologizing for all your sins - you're a goner

You are walking in an open field when a lightning storm hits ... do you:
a. Hide under the nearest tree
b. Run in zig zag motions to try and throw off Thor's aim
c. Crouch in a little ball and think of your happy place
d. Raise your hands to the sky and scream "you wanna piece of me?"

You encounter a bear while hiking in the woods ... do you:
a. Scream like a girl and run for the nearest tree
b. Stop, drop and roll
c. Walk up to the bear and try to pet it. It looks soft and cuddly
d. Slowly walk backwards away from the bear and avoid making eye contact while you try and figure out if the bear really just licked his lips

You get caught in an avalanche ... do you:
a. Stick your ski pole straight up in the air so the rescue dogs can find you
b. Try and outrun it
c. Think about how pissed you are at Fred for wanting to go skiing instead of snorkeling this year
d. Swim in a freestyle motion to stay on top of the avalanche and avoid being buried alive

A shark, swimming in attack mode, is racing toward you ... do you:
a. Poke it in the eye
b. Try and out swim it
c. Play dead and just float there
d. Point in the direction of your friend and say "He's meatier. Eat him!"
e. Think about how pissed you are at Fred for making you go snorkeling instead of skiing this year (loves Tamara some Fritos)

18 Comments:

At 2:30 PM , Blogger Tamara said...

1) CB. Stay still, grab Wesley's leg on the way down.

2) C. Crouch in a little ball and think of your happy place.

3) D. Slowly walk backwards away from the bear and avoid making eye contact. Works with most animals, really. Even people.

4) C. Think about how pissed you are at Fred for wanting to go skiing instead of snorkeling this year.

5) C. Think about how pissed you are at Fred for wanting to go snorkeling instead of skiing this year.

That Fred's such an a$$hole!

 
At 4:25 PM , Blogger Graz said...

1. B- And while you'rte doing that, wonder who this guy Wesley is and why he's just looking at you.

2. C- But knowing me, I'd be doing D.

3. D- But I'd be fighting the urge to either do C or A...depending on my mood.

4. D- But I'd still be pissed at Fred.....along with wondering who the hell Fred is and why does he have this control on my life.

5. Combination of C and B- Slow, calm movements will lessen the chance that the shark will even notice you....hitting the shark, although I know some divers who have said that they have been able to scare one away like this, is not a good idea. A shark's attack is very fast and you're likely to either miss or help it out by putting your arm down it's throut. I'd also curse myself for having my pockets full of sardines......I have a bad habit of putting them in my pockets. I'd swear to myself that next time I'll put them in Fred's pockets.

 
At 4:43 PM , Blogger Higgy said...

1. E - climb on Fred to get out of the quicksand. Ok, probably C.

2. E - have Fred climb a metal stepladder while I go sit in my car. Well, maybe C.

3. E - kick Fred in the nads so that he's doubled over in pain, then spill ketchup on him and back away slowly - while pointing at helpless Fred for the bear's information.

4. E - using the same "stand on Fred" motion that got me out of the quicksand, then swim freestyle to stay on top. Sod Fred and his stupid vacation ideas.

5. F - using the same "kick Fred in the nads" approach as before, then float there while pointing out the easy prey Fred to the shark.

Time for some payback, Fred!

 
At 5:26 PM , Blogger Kafaleni said...

to clarify.. are we UNDER the quicksand? cos you usually don't fall that far, that fast. C for either proposition.

D. Come n get me.. if you think you're man enough.

C.. unless I'm awake. Then D.

None of the above. Fred would probably pick option D, while I'm back at the cabin practicing for the apres-ski drinkies.

Definitely A. If I'm going down anyway, I should go down for a better reason than the fact that I''m the closest available white meat.

PS - this is why Fred got fired from his job at the travel agents'

 
At 5:51 PM , Anonymous boo augustus said...

1. I used to think the correct answer was "c. Stay still and allow yourself to float to the top," but I think I read something to the contrary on the internet.

B. It's a toss up between c and d. Why a little ball though. Couldn't you just lay flat? Or is that for tornadoes?

III. The key here is that you only have to be able to run faster than the slowest member of your group. Oh wait, that could be me. I suppose I'd do d, but wouldn't you think that running away sceaming like a girl would throw the bear off?

As a little aside learned from my 3 months on Kodiak Island, you can run away fom a bear if you are running downhill. They're generally too top heavy so as they gather speed they loose control, flip and stop.

Question the Fouth. Well, the possibility of me outrunning anything is pretty low, so I'm just going to stick something up. a.

(x + 2)/2 = (3y - 1)/3. I'd be a pokin' -- b.

 
At 6:03 PM , Anonymous wilderness expert monkey said...

1. start prayin'. even if I survived, I'd never get all the sand out of my nooks and cranies

2. run zig zag. that Thor is a drunk. I'll take a gamble on his aim. Plus the exercise will boost the feel good chemicals so I won't mind dying so much

3. Scream like a girl and then run around the tree until the bear gets dizzy and throws up.

4. Surf on Fred and then have a spiked hot cocoa drink in his honor. Good man Fred, he took one for the team.

5. Same as #4, only celebrate with Mai Tais after after.

 
At 7:45 PM , Anonymous Sallyacious said...

1. C

2. C

3. D

4. Don't ski. So I'd be in the lodge, drinking Bailey's & Coffee and watching the snow rush down the mountain.

5. Don't snorkel, so I'd be sitting on the deck of the boat, drinking a margarita (or a Mai Tai) screaming, "Shark! Shark! Hey! Can somebody help me reapply my sunscreen?"

 
At 10:23 PM , Anonymous Bismuth said...

Quicksand is shear-thickening, meaning that the faster you try to move it (struggle), the thicker it gets and the harder it is to move. Thus the trick is just to move very slowly -- you'll float to the surface.

During a lightning storm I'd just do what I normally do -- find the best vantage point to watch the lightning from. Preferably dry.

Obviously, I drop a 16-ton weight on any lion, tiger, or bear that I happen to meet.

In an avalanche, I'd open my mouth to swallow as much snow as possible. That way, when it's over and I'm trapped, I'll have a larger supply of warm urine to try and melt myself out.

When a shark is approaching, I try to look as little like a jet as possible.

 
At 10:54 PM , Blogger Slyeyes said...

1. c; stay still. Outside of westerns and other bad movies, who gets caught in quicksand.

2. c

3. d

4. d

5 a

6. Quit making vacations plans with Fred.

 
At 6:28 AM , Anonymous Jeff Meyerson said...

1 c
2 c
3 d
4 b
5 a

 
At 12:26 PM , Blogger Tamara said...

I do love me some Fritos. ;)

 
At 3:09 PM , Anonymous boo augustus said...

sly, someone was always falling into quicksand in the old Tarzan serials. In fact, I think someone fell into the quicksand in the Bo Derek version of Tarzan too.

 
At 3:44 PM , Blogger punky said...

The Westley reference was from The Princess Bride and the Fire Swamp. I just spelled his name wrong. :( Sowwy.

[Buttercup and Westley have just entered the Fire Swamp]
Westley: [looking around] It's not that bad.
[Buttercup stares unbelievingly at him]
Westley: Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.

 
At 4:58 PM , Blogger MrFisher said...

i do love me some Punky. ;)

ah, b, ah, d, ah, b, ah, d, ah b.

(notice a pattern here? spooky. i know)

 
At 9:34 PM , Blogger Slyeyes said...

Boo, the only good movie with quicksand was...

uh oh.

I forgot the name of it. Hang on, I have to go google it. The Hallelujah Trail

 
At 7:25 AM , Anonymous Jeff Meyerson said...

Don't forget Blazing Saddles.

 
At 8:28 AM , Blogger MrFisher said...

Or Quicksand! No Escape (made for TV) with Donald Sutherland. Although, oddly, I don't recall any actual quicksand.

AH!

What was that?

A ROUS!!

 
At 12:12 PM , Blogger Higgy said...

OOOOOH, WesTley.... that makes SO much more sense now....

All I could think of was Wesley Crusher from Star Trek....

 

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