rocky terrain

This has been a tough week for me. Emotionally, I was all over the place. I picked the scab off some wounds that were better left to heal, and I was emotionally smacked upside the head in the process. Aside from the emotional roller coaster I've been riding, I also had a problem securing an individual health insurance policy. Without the emotional chaos, that in and of itself would have been enough to cause a less than stellar week, especially after everything I went through with the Peace Corps earlier this year. But the two things combined have sent me for a loop.

I know that everything works out. It always does, but that is so much harder to remember and hold to when you are smack in the middle of the storm.

I knew I was taking a huge risk by quitting my job, selling my home and moving my life clear across the country. And I have allowed myself to consider whether I should have stayed ... but the mere thought of having continued the life I was living ... as unhappy and unfulfilled as I was ... without any prospect of change in the near (or distant) future seemed a much greater risk than the one I face now. It still seems the more risky of the two, even as I attempt to naviagte this rocky terrain.

I suppose this is to be expected. I went from living a secure, conventional, safe and steady life to a life with no clear path in view, no security to speak of and nothing conventional or normal to rely on or to steady me.

I'm told I am in the liminal period -- the in-between -- the threshold between where I was and where I will be -- no longer living my old life and not quite in a new one ...

I know I will be OK and that everything is unfolding as it should ... but I am feeling anxious and so vulnerable. I am without my bearings. And I am tired.

This weekend I am dog sitting at a beautiful home, overlooking the mountains, surrounded by beauty and nature. I hope to lose myself in the peaceful beauty and to emerge on the other side feeling stronger, more centered and less vulnerable.