An Unfettered Mind

new adventure. new blog. new hairdo.

2009-02-23T19:36:00.008-05:00

howdie, hi.

the time has come to bid farewell to this lovely blog of mine. it will continue to live here at this url, but I won't be posting much to it.

my new blog is over here ----> hiya!

but wait there's more! <---- please check out my new website as well.

thanks for helping to make this blog such a great place to mingle over these last few years. it's been a blast!

xo

punky

I wanna love you tender, my luscious scandinavian genius choreographer extraordinaire. meow!

2008-12-14T02:38:00.006-05:00

this is fantastic!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T01:01:00.005-05:00

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."

~ Melody Beattie

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice."

~Meister Eckhart

you are my sunshine

2008-11-16T00:49:00.002-05:00

such a pretty version of one of my most favorite songs from when I was a little girl ... a song I still find myself singing when I am filled with whimsy and happiness ...

makes my heart squeal with joy ...

2008-11-15T22:49:00.004-05:00

I know it is a little early for the christmas season ... but these cards by Creative Thursday are the sweetest ... and I had to share them with you all in case they make you as happy as they make me - which they most certainly will. Of course, I do have a soft spot in my heart for monkeys, since it is my nickname, but I also wanted to share her wonderful little paintings ... which make me so very happy.

Here is the link to her Etsy store:

click me! click me!

and a link to her site:

me too! me too!

doesn't mean that much to me, to mean that much to you

2008-11-11T01:17:00.005-05:00

It's occurred to me that the things that seem a big deal in my life might not actually be all that big a deal. It's all a matter of perspective. When things are easy, steady and calm, the smallest blip in the landscape can seem ... well ... huge.

I've obsessed over some things, not because they were worthy of my constant attention, but because there was nothing else vying for it.

A part of me truly longs to be doing something every day that requires a degree of risk, my full attention and that I remain fully present. There is great satisfaction from working hard to accomplish something meaningful and kicking off your shoes at the end of the day, satisfied with a job well done and resting your head on the pillow knowing you have done something useful.

I need that. I want that. Adventure. Inspiration. Intensity. Commitment. And challenges that put the petty, unimportant and silly stuff back into perspective. I want the things that don't matter not to matter.

I believe the best way to care less about something is to care more about something else.

I'm ready for the "something else".

amidst the garden of empirical truths

2008-11-10T02:02:00.011-05:00

"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."

- Walter Anderson

I love the mountains, I love the clear blue skies

2008-11-09T13:35:00.001-05:00

because it still makes me so damn happy whenever I watch it ...

castles made of glass

2008-11-02T21:28:00.004-05:00

"the invisible shimmery boundary between turbulence and order"

I came across this sentence in the book I am reading. In the book, the author uses it to describe a scientific term. It also happens to describe perfectly my current state of being ...

the water passes over me

2008-11-01T19:41:00.020-05:00

In our lives, there are those who matter and then there are those whom we just really want to matter.

Learning to differentiate between the two has been a difficult process for me ... but I'm getting there.

rocky terrain

2008-10-24T19:02:00.004-05:00

This has been a tough week for me. Emotionally, I was all over the place. I picked the scab off some wounds that were better left to heal, and I was emotionally smacked upside the head in the process. Aside from the emotional roller coaster I've been riding, I also had a problem securing an individual health insurance policy. Without the emotional chaos, that in and of itself would have been enough to cause a less than stellar week, especially after everything I went through with the Peace Corps earlier this year. But the two things combined have sent me for a loop.

I know that everything works out. It always does, but that is so much harder to remember and hold to when you are smack in the middle of the storm.

I knew I was taking a huge risk by quitting my job, selling my home and moving my life clear across the country. And I have allowed myself to consider whether I should have stayed ... but the mere thought of having continued the life I was living ... as unhappy and unfulfilled as I was ... without any prospect of change in the near (or distant) future seemed a much greater risk than the one I face now. It still seems the more risky of the two, even as I attempt to naviagte this rocky terrain.

I suppose this is to be expected. I went from living a secure, conventional, safe and steady life to a life with no clear path in view, no security to speak of and nothing conventional or normal to rely on or to steady me.

I'm told I am in the liminal period -- the in-between -- the threshold between where I was and where I will be -- no longer living my old life and not quite in a new one ...

I know I will be OK and that everything is unfolding as it should ... but I am feeling anxious and so vulnerable. I am without my bearings. And I am tired.

This weekend I am dog sitting at a beautiful home, overlooking the mountains, surrounded by beauty and nature. I hope to lose myself in the peaceful beauty and to emerge on the other side feeling stronger, more centered and less vulnerable.

still waters run deep

2008-10-14T15:39:00.007-05:00

I received this today in an email from "what's up on planet earth". It could not have hit any closer to home ...

"If you are one who has recently let go of connections to the old, you may now be finding yourself in a space of self-exploration, perhaps considering a geographical move, and wondering what your new role might be. Being still, exploring new options and passions, re-connecting to what it is that you really and truly have always wanted, and allowing things to unfold oh so naturally are your keys."

inner compass

2008-10-11T00:08:00.013-05:00

There is so much happening in my world. Although I have never really been shy about sharing my thoughts and feelings here, I can't find the words to describe this. The part of me that could find the words is clueless about where I am. The part that knows where I am can only be heard when I quiet the part that's busy trying to define and put labels on things.

So although I want to share what's happening, I couldn't if I tried. I can offer this: this journey feels profoundly important to me.

I don't know where this road will lead me, but I know with absolute certainty that it is where I am meant to be.

wu wei

2008-10-08T22:21:00.008-05:00

wu wei is a tenet of taoism that basically involves knowing when to act and when not to act. the paradox wei wu wei means to act without acting ... effortlessly doing.

the practice of acting without acting ... of effortless doing ... resonates pretty deeply in me these days.

gliding. floating. letting it be easy.

wind was blowing, time stood still

2008-09-29T14:02:00.007-05:00

This weekend I drove up to the painted hills. I took this picture from an overlook where I sat for a long time, lost in the beauty of this amazing world and trying, in the stillness, to find the part within me that knows the way ...

graceful in the morning light

2008-09-23T00:29:00.004-05:00

A friend of mine introduced me to Fleet Foxes this past summer. Their cd was a constant companion on my trip cross country. Today, I stumbled upon this video by First Aid Kit doing a cover of Fleet Foxes' Tiger Mountain Peasant Song. I think it is absolutely amazing. And if you have not heard Fleet Foxes album, do yourself a favor and hear it ...

finding my way ...

2008-09-20T14:35:00.004-05:00

a gorgeous song for a beautiful rainy day ... savoring every step of the way.

(if you have trouble playing the video, click on it twice)

from the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters

2008-09-05T02:08:00.003-05:00

there are more photos and mini-blog posts about my on going

cross country trek

on my facebook group page called

"where in the country is debbie ferreira?"

Feel free to find me there.

xo Punky

there's so much left to know and I'm on the road to find out ...

2008-08-11T13:15:00.005-05:00

And I'm off.

I'll post whenever I can along the way.

Love, love and more love,

Punky.

the journey

2008-07-30T11:32:00.006-05:00

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver

you shouldn't have ...

2008-07-22T14:05:00.001-05:00

consult this list before you purchase another baby gift

bursting with potential

2008-07-15T22:59:00.003-05:00

my celtic tree astrological sign.

Willow - The Observer
April 15 – May 12
If you are a Willow sign, you are ruled by the moon, and so your personality holds hands with many of the mystical aspects of the lunar realm. This means you are highly creative, intuitive (highly psychic people are born under the sign of the Willow) and intelligent. You have a keen understanding of cycles, and you inherently know that every situation has a season. This gives you a realistic perspective of things, and also causes you to be more patient than most tree signs. With your intelligence comes a natural ability to retain knowledge and you often impress your company with the ability to expound on subjects from memory. Willow Celtic tree astrology signs are bursting with potential, but have a tendency to hold themselves back for fear of appearing flamboyant or overindulgent. It is your powers of perception that ultimately allow your true nature to shine, and what leads you to success in life. Willow signs join well with the Birch and the Ivy.

Find yours here

so the days float through my eyes

2008-07-08T11:24:00.009-05:00

Lots of changes happening 'round these parts. Having made a decision and being fully ready to follow through with that decision, I am in this weird state of limbo. Although ready and eager to be on the road, the wrapping up of odds and ends is keeping me immersed in my life here.

With a month to go before I am finally on the road, I feel like a race horse, held at the starting gate, body braced to run, waiting for the bell.

parting shot

2008-07-02T21:39:00.002-05:00

it's the final countdown ...

2008-06-29T21:18:00.003-05:00

well kinda.

it's the start of the countdown. But that's not how the song goes, so ... hey, whatever happened to Europe?

Anyhoo, let it be known that the clock has officially begun

T minus 47 days.

and for those of you closet hair band lovers ...

and so it goes and so will you soon I suppose

2008-06-12T00:37:00.002-05:00

there is a moment when you realize that your present has now become your past.

and the little voice inside you whispers, "welcome to your next adventure".

carefree highway, let me slip away on you

2008-06-08T17:01:00.002-05:00

I will be driving cross country, leaving from Connecticut. I will be traveling in the Northern part of the US and making my way to Oregon. Do any of you lovelies have any suggestions for highly recommended scenic routes between here and there. If you do, post 'em here or email me.

Thanks,

Deb (Punky)

I love the whole world and all its sights and sounds

2008-06-06T09:39:00.003-05:00

This makes me happy.

Enjoy.

boom de yada ... boom de yada ...

may no man's reigns ever chain you

2008-05-30T23:03:00.006-05:00

I am no longer a home owner. My condo sold and closed. Cash in hand. And my car is being sold on Wednesday. My last day at my job is at the end of July.

I am untethered. I have not felt this happy in a long time. If ever.

I leave for a cross country trip in August. I will travel west and visit friends in Arizona, Colorado, Oregon, Alaska and possibly a few other states out in that general direction.

I have no idea what I will do after my trip. I don't know where I will settle, or if I will settle. The unknown (that is now my life) is the most exciting place I have allowed myself to dwell in far too long.

I will try and post on this blog when I can to keep up to date those of you who are interested.

On a parallel note, my friend bought me a ring for my birthday a few weeks back. inscribed on the ring were three simple words: follow your dream.

I'm on it.

love and kisses

Punky

I know this room, I've walked this floor

2008-05-27T22:24:00.003-05:00

It was eleven years ago when Jeff Buckley mysteriously drowned in a Memphis river. If you have never heard his album Grace, I recommend it highly. Although I am a pretty big Leonard Cohen fan, I still think Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah is the best ever recorded.

Enjoy ...

I had a farm in Africa ...

2008-05-26T20:51:00.007-05:00

Award-winning director, Sydney Pollack, has passed away at the age of 73. He was probably best know for directing the brilliant film, Out of Africa, which I consider to be one of the greatest films ever made (I'm totally not biased, what?). He also directed The Way We Were (also one of my favorites). Some of his other notable films include Three Days of the Condor and Tootsie.

A sad loss for the film industry indeed.

makes me squeal with glee

2008-05-15T21:26:00.002-05:00

I am so excited for this movie. I literally revert to a five year old on the eve of Christmas morning when I watch this trailor. So friggin' cute, he is. If you don't think so, you may be dead and should probably get that checked out.

cheer up, sleepy jean

2008-05-06T07:42:00.004-05:00

You know what makes Tuesday totally NOT suck?

It's not Monday.

On a super fabulous note, my oldest, most fabulous and cherished friends, whom I have known since childhood, are all meeting up this weekend in our hometown to eat, drink and laugh our asses off as we celebrate my birthday and raise our overflowing glasses to the guy who invented wine. We love him.

Yay for friends, birthdays and wine!

don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?

2008-05-05T12:21:00.005-05:00

Things that make a Monday totally suck:

- spending the weekend trying to help your kitties adjust to their new home ... without you.
- driving back to your soon to be sold home and looking up at the bedroom window and expecting to see your kitties waiting for you and then feeling your heart fall when you realize they are not there.
- walking into the house to find teeny tiny ants all over the kitchen floor and living room floor.
- killing a slew of ants and apologizing to them while you do it.
- going to the doctors and getting your metabolism and thyroid tested and finding out that your daily metabolic rate - although a superb SAT score - is a really, REALLY crappy score for a metabolism.
- talking to the dietitian and realizing that in order to increase said metabolism, and prevent any future problems, you will have to change your life dramatically.
- realizing that you hate food and are totally overwhelmed by the concept of going to the grocery store and trying to cook a fucking meal.
- getting to work and finding out that your co-worker's mother passed away unexpectedly.
- trying to pour yourself a cup of coffee and spilling it all over the counter because you can't see a damn thing through all the tears.

I need a do over on this day in a major way. And it's only 1:30 PM.

... I was talking to the duck

2008-04-30T21:27:00.005-05:00

**crickets**

almost makes me want to run out and buy a Honda

2008-04-28T21:38:00.003-05:00

I loved this song when it first came out in the early 80s. Glad to hear it make a comeback.

long ago in the sweet used to be

2008-04-23T21:39:00.008-05:00

I'm packing because I am moving. Going through my things, deciding what to keep and what to give away, I get nostalgic. Old cards, printed emails, photos, gifts, a random article of clothing I haven't seen worn in a long time. I start thinking about the people I have cared about. And those who have cared about me. And then I start to think about those who mattered to me, but who probably never knew.

In our lives, there will most likely come a time when we find out that we mattered more to someone than we previously realized. The newly discovered awareness is lovely ... at first. But then come the questions: why didn't I know? would it have mattered if I did? does anyone else feel this way? why do I still have this Richard Marx t-shirt?

And then you think about the people who mattered more than you let on. Maybe it was the guy from high school - the one who told you that you had the sweetest eyes he'd ever seen. Or the guy you talked to for hours that night at the bar in Burlington - the artist on his way to NYC - who you hope made it. Or the classmate who told on the other kids when they were being mean to you in the 6th grade and who would end up facing the wrath of the mean clique for the rest of the year, but whom you never had the chance to thank?

There is a place in my mind where those people still exist. The ones who had a quick and lasting impact on my life. They cross my mind and I wonder where they are, what they are doing. And I wonder if they remember me or the moment as clearly as I do.

The reality is that most of them probably have no idea the impact they had on my life or that they still cross my mind. Which makes me wonder about the lives I may have touched ... and if I'll ever know.

Wouldn't it be nice to know?

we built this city!

2008-04-16T11:30:00.003-05:00

Kindly take a moment to identify the song or songs which you feel qualify as humanity's most powerful, horrendous, ear-burrowing and painful earworm.

Please share them here.

somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying, you’ll find the bright places where boom bands are playing

2008-04-10T16:25:00.014-05:00

I wrote the following email to a friend as a way of adding humor to what has been 5 very difficult years. But after I finished, I felt really proud of what I had accomplished. And so I am sharing it here. I can finally admit, without any justification or embarrassment, that I had a heck of a lot of learning to do. I am happy to say I've made considerable progress.

---------

This May, I will be graduating with a five year degree in Letting Go and Letting Be. Classes completed include:

Codependency 101
Obsessive Tendencies 102
Intro to Letting Go
Emotional Intimacy 101
Basic Drawing 101

Repeating Patterns 202
Getting in touch with your inner child 202
Letting Go: building on your foundations
Intermediate Drawing 201
Belly Dancing - Beginner

Making peace with your childhood
Love can't be earned: so stop trying - [lab]
Letting Go (when you want to hold on) - [prerequisites: Intro to letting go and building on your foundations]
The Buddha and You: accepting and embracing reality
Mixed Media Art Studies

Self Love: your most important relationship
A Rose is a Rose - [group discussion/interactive]
Let it Go and Let it Be (what Paul McCartney's Mom already knew)
Falling in Love with what is -- and seeing what isn't
Finding your Purpose - [meditation practice]
Belly Dancing - Intermediate

Listening to your Heart - Advanced
Happiness: finding within what you thought you were without
Live, Laugh, Play: finding your joy
Music Appreciation: why the compilation CD is the root of all evil
Inward Journey/Outward Bound: inner pilgrimage [thesis]
Letting Go: when one door closes, but no other opens -- learning how to create your own door.

Graduation Ceremony: May 10, 2008. Which coincidentally happens to be my 35th birthday!

welcome, my son, welcome to the machine

2008-03-26T22:39:00.008-05:00

Could you go one week without surfing the internet, checking your email, watching television or using your cell phone?

What do you think would happen if you did?

While I was away in Arizona, I noticed how much happier and at peace I felt without my daily diet of TV, internet, email, myspace, blogging, etc.

There are times when I feel the urge to unplug from technology as a whole. And when I do, I notice I feel more serene and settled and less anxious. I also notice that I fill in the time I would normally be on the computer with (what feels to me) more productive things. I read more. I play outside more. I breath more. I smile more. And my body feels better because I'm not hunched over my desk, chin in hand, reading blogs, emails or gossip.

Just something I've been thinking about lately ...

sunny day, sweeping the clouds away ....

2008-03-17T09:25:00.003-05:00

I'm off to Arizona for a week to play in the sun with one of my most favorite friends.

In my absence, I leave you with the following questions to ponder.

A. Parallel worlds exist. What are you doing right now in yours?

B. Time travel is possible. You can travel back to one place in time. Where would you travel?

C. You could have one of the following extraordinary talents. Which would you choose?
- Ability to accurately predict the future
- Brilliant pianist
- Phenomenal singer
- Mathematical genius

fill in the blank ...

2008-03-11T10:51:00.004-05:00

I could not live without my __________

If I could only listen to one band/musician for the rest of my life, it would be _________

The one thing I truly can't stand is __________

If I could spend my days doing one thing, and never have to worry about money, that one thing would be __________

The thing that brings me the most joy in my life is __________

The greatest "wbagnfarb" ever is __________

Peace, Love and Peeps,

Punky

sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

2008-03-06T14:27:00.006-05:00

I am tingling with anticipation over the impending arrival of Spring!!

Hope the sky is as blue and the air as crisp in your neck of the woods.

Questions!

Why is it that I always seem to make contact with some sort of citrus fruit whenever I get a paper cut?

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

Who's zoomin' who?

borrowing another's words

2008-03-04T10:40:00.015-05:00

[The post below the next paragraph, titled "Yes, you" is written by Kris at I'm not a girl, not yet a wino.]

Not very long ago, I was the girl the author is writing about in her post "yes, you". I was that girl who kept sticking around, reaching for crumbs, hoping he'd eventually give more. After a whole hell of a lot of inner searching, I now see how I ended up in that position. I think I can say with a fair level of certainty that I am no longer that girl. I hope I never get to be her again. And although I think what the author wrote is dead on, I also think that it isn't up to the guy alone to change it. The girl is really the one who needs to realize that she deserves more and say "no thanks" to anything less. But as someone once said, "we all accept the love we think we deserve".

Yes, you.

I'm talking to you. I know you don't know me, but I know you.

I want you to leave her alone, to stop this mess you’ve lured her into. To stop dangling the carrot in front of her face knowing full well that you aren’t enough for this woman, knowing full well that you keeping her at arm’s length only draws her in closer. I want you to man up and tell her to move on, tell her you’ll never deliver, because you won’t. Sunday crosswords and hands held tightly at the market and wine over dinner with friends – it isn’t in the cards. She will never meet your parents or be your date for the wedding you’ve talked about for the year, a picture of celebration and friendship you’ve painted repeatedly, although never with her in it. She will never see the Maldives with you and your favorite couple. You will never agree to hit the favorite haunts in her hometown.

And you know it.

You’ve known it since the beginning, since well before any synonym for commitment ever entered the conversation. You’ve known it since you hesitated the first and the tenth time to introduce her to your friends, since you turned down the first of many invitations to meet up with her girls at their bar. The excuses are lazy ones and the truth even lazier. You've known it since you first saw her face flush when you gave her hope of something more.

Tell her you’re back together with an ex, that you never loved her. Tell her the truth: that you’re a ridiculous coward who doesn’t care enough about her to let her live her own life.

She deserves better than you, and I only wish she knew it. I wish I could fast forward to the day when she’ll have him, the one who won’t want to make a vacation plan without her in it, who will think to bring her to meet his friends within a matter of days. He’ll be without her and wish she was picking up her cell so he could share a silly observation. He’ll be in awe of her and on some days stare at her when she isn’t looking. He'll know that sex isn't always about the orgasm and he'll check on her when she's sick. Oh yes, they’ll fight and there will be weeks when she won’t remember what she saw in him to begin with, but he’ll love her deeply and treat her with the respect and adoration she deserves. And there will be Sunday crosswords and knowing how she takes her coffee and the occasional envy of her friends.

And you know that part too.

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun

2008-02-27T14:53:00.012-05:00

Punky as a Punkster

OK ... fellow bloggers/moaties. I've seen lots of pictures of your little ones on your blogs. But now it's time to post your own baby picture. I'll be checking your blogs daily, so no dawdling!! :)

UPDATE: not to be upstaged by Leetie ... here are a few more.

I was probably somewhere between 3 and 4 here. That's my sister clutching my arms and trying to keep me still. :)

when I was 2 ... trying to climb on to the table to get at the birthday cake that the adults put just out of reach!

makes you think all the world's a sunny day

2008-02-24T10:44:00.002-05:00

the sky is a perfect shade of blue. the snow is still white and pristine. there is a squirrel on my deck wondering why his little paws are so damn cold. and I am in my robe, that is a tad bit too short, and wondering if I can make pancakes without milk, eggs or flour. I really need to go shopping.

how do you like to spend your Sundays?

come and knock on our door ...

2008-02-20T22:15:00.006-05:00

If you could have lived in any sitcom from your youth, which sitcom would you choose?

Did Jack, Janet and Chrissy ever have a threesome?

Was Charles really ever "in charge"?

How did Laverne and Shirley afford that apartment?

Why didn't Jo kick Blair's ass more often?

How many girls out there had a "Skippy" in their lives?

And how many of you guys had a "Mallory" in yours?

it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky!

2008-02-17T16:24:00.009-05:00

I've got a mouse in the house. Probably a whole family, I'm guessing.

One of my cats was fascinated with the garbage can the other night. Just sat there staring at it for hours. I thought maybe it was hoping the left over tuna would miraculously find its way out of the bag and into my cat's mouth, but turns out my cat heard a mouse. And how do I know this, you might wonder?

Well, when I awoke the next morning, I found garbage strewn about the house. My smart kitty must have tipped over the garbage and then proceeded to chase the mouse around the house. I know there was a mouse involved in the equation because as I walked out of my bedroom, I made eye contact with a cute little furry guy with a tail. It looked as surprised to see me as I was to see it. The mouse sprinted off in the direction of the couch. I have yet to see it since. I'm not sure if my cat ate it, or if it is holding fort in my couch until it thinks it's safe to make a run for it.

Either way, I had a little chat with my two cats. How they managed to let one tiny little mouse escape their very sharp claws is beyond me. They were both sleeping soundly on my bed when I had my encounter with the furry little critter. Clearly their "hunt prey" instincts have yet to kick in. So, I've gone and bought those "critter friendly" traps and if I should catch the little guy, I plan to drive it to the woods far from my house. If it finds its way back, I'll make it a pet. After an impressive trek like that, it would earn the right to stay.

And that concludes my boring little tale about Fievel, my furry friend.

**Update** So far I have caught three. Three blind mice. Well, they're probably not blind, but they're not smart, either. But they sure are cute! And tiny! And now they are living in a woods far, far away. And unless they can cross interstates and bodies of water, they are most likely going to find a new home to inhabit. Now, I just need to find the hole the crafty little critters were using to make their way into my house ... because where there are mice, there are more ...

C is for Cookie

2008-02-15T09:11:00.003-05:00

What is the worst fortunte cookie saying you have ever read?

My friend got this one the other day. I think she got my cookie.

"you will have little success in love"

and of course the infamous:

"that wasn't chicken"

and then there is the well meaning sage career advice:

"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."

Tell me yours ...

sweet surrender

2008-02-14T00:19:00.003-05:00

There's nothing behind me and nothing that ties me
To something that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be here today

And I don't know what the future is holding in store
I don't know where I'm going, I'm not sure where I've been
There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end

p.s. Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovelies!

here comes the sun ...

2008-02-12T22:53:00.002-05:00

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

(((hugs to my amazing friends)))

she feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life ...

2008-02-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

If pure, soul-aching desire paired with an endless willingness to do my part, whatever that may be, is enough to affect a change, then by the end of this year I will be somewhere other than where I am now, doing with my life something that leaves me feeling fulfilled, useful, and challenged in a meaningful and rewarding way.

The path I thought I would take has hit am impasse that may prove more than temporary. But as disheartening as that has been, I am moving forward and pursuing as many alternatives as I can manage to discover.

I am determined to continue to create the life I want to live, and I am undeterred by the obstacles before me. And I could also use some help. I know not everyone believes in the power of collective thoughts, but I do. And it would mean so much to me if those of you who read this would send me strength, courage and endless determination to help me in creating the life I know I am meant to live.

Endlessly grateful.

if you keep making that face, it's going to freeze like that

2008-02-04T16:51:00.000-05:00

e-trading baby burp up

2008-02-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

So! Super Bowl water cooler chat.

What did you think of the game?

Favorite commercial?

Where did you watch it?

Did you eat your body weight in snacky snacks?

Are you feeling it today?

Are you happy with who won?

Did you actually know the Super Bowl was on last night?

Did you watch the Puppy Bowl?

Talk to me ...

buttery fingers

2008-01-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

movies I have seen in the last few months ... and loved. (in order)

Juno.
Atonement.
Michael Clayton.
The Bucket List. (liked very much but did not love)

Movies I am eager to see (not yet released):

The Other Boleyn Girl.
Wall E.
The Time Traveler's Wife.

And you?

chanelling stuart smalley

2008-01-23T11:01:00.001-05:00

"Visualize a life in which you are deeply fulfilled, expanding your horizons and living a life of adventure, filled with purpose, prosperity, well-being and a profound sense of happiness."

haiku-ku-kachoo

2008-01-18T23:17:00.000-05:00

without oars or force
resigned in silent repose
down stream my dreams dwell

I like the way your sparkling earrings lay, against your skin so brown

2008-01-09T12:48:00.000-05:00

OK, put on your musical thinking caps and tell me what is, in your opinion, the greatest lyrical line ever written. And if not the greatest, then a pretty damn good one. Multiple answers encouraged.

I'll wait here.

it's a new dawn, it's a new day ...

2008-01-06T14:06:00.000-05:00

What do you intend for your life in 2008?

they're back .....

2008-01-02T22:19:00.000-05:00

ready?

what are your five most favorite things in this world (excluding people)?

go.

somewhere out on that horizon, faraway from the neon sky

2007-12-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

A new year is approaching. And with it, many changes.

In my twenties, life lessons came fast and often. A lesson would show up, knock me around a bit, and then pass as quickly as it came. I was left slightly bruised, a little out of breath and a bit wiser for the wear.

Then came my thirties. The lessons had a new strategy: deep and lingering. Gone were the lessons from which I could recover quickly. The new lessons hit deep and hard and overstayed their welcome.

I suppose the lessons from my twenties were less complex in nature -- a beach novel, of sorts. You get something out of it, but nothing truly life-altering. My lessons now feel more akin to a 1400-page novel; the kind you pick up with a mix of dread and desire. You know it'll be painful to get through, but you also know it will be worth it in the end.

I went from reading The Bridges of Madison County to reading War and Peace.

I miss the easier lessons. I do. Yet, there is a feeling of pride I get knowing I am making my way through Tolstoy. But the lessons have been hard; certainly harder than I ever imagined. And there are times when I wonder if life might grant me reprieve -- maybe throw me a few less Tolstoys and a few more Nicholas Sparks?

Still, as much as I would love to go back to the easier lessons, doing so would be about as helpful as taking Level I French while getting your Masters in French Literature.

Lately, I feel I'm coming to the end of this particular novel. It took me almost five years to finish. This is the year I turn 35. No doubt, there are many changes on the horizon and the lessons will continue to be hard ... but in a new way.

Life will surprise me. And I will be tested and pushed beyond what I think to be my limits. As Oliver Wendell Holmes once wrote, "Every now and then a man's mind is stretched by a new idea or sensation, and never shrinks back to its former dimensions." That's how I feel about my life; with every lesson, I am permanently altered.

Soon it will be a new year. A new year filled with new lessons, new adventures and new dimensions.

I'm ready.

for nobody else gave me a thrill ...

2007-12-27T23:52:00.000-05:00

Hoping that your New Year is filled with the people you love telling you the myriad of reasons why they love and cherish you ...

it had to be you

Cheers!

with so much love

2007-12-23T15:58:00.001-05:00

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a joy-filled 2008.

Christmas Canon

we need a little christmas right this very minute!

2007-12-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

I have been watching parts 1 thru 5 of a Muppet Family Christmas on youtube to help get me into the holiday spirit. It works magic!

Muppets!

Merry Christmas All!!

and since we've no place to go ... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

2007-12-17T09:08:00.001-05:00

Moving right along ...

'tis the season for bad holiday gifts. so, in honor of the holiday, I'm going back to the old format for a bit ...

1. what is the worst present you ever receievd?

2. what is the best present you ever recieved?

3. what is your favorite christmas tradition? (even if you don't celebrate it ... what do you do on the day?)

4. who would win in an ultimate celebrity deathmatch: Santa or the Abominable Snowman? Would there be midgets?

5. would you rather spend one day at the north pole or in a magical gingerbread house?

met my old lover in the grocery store, the snow was falling christmas eve

2007-12-14T16:53:00.000-05:00

Remember that scene in "When Harry Met Sally" when Sally is being comforted by Harry after finding out that Joe got engaged? And in between sobs the truth dawns on her and she says to Harry:

"All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me."

Yeah. I remember it too.

But most of all when snowflakes fall, I wish you love

2007-12-09T14:50:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know
right away that they were meant to be there, to serve
some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help
you figure out who you are or who you want to become."

The paragraph above is taken from a longer piece. The author is unknown, at least to me.

I am thinking today of all the people who have come into my life and helped to shape me into the person I am today. I am thinking of how grateful I am for knowing each of them. The ones who broke my heart. The ones who made me laugh. The ones who made me cry. The ones who made me angry. The ones who rejected me. The ones who made me feel loved. Every one of the amazing, complicated, wonderful, unique, and beautiful people I have known in this lifetime.

Thank you for coming into my life and for teaching me about love.

turned cartwheels cross the floor

2007-12-06T14:47:00.000-05:00

Bored today ...

Who wants to give Deb something fun to do?

(ideas, links, articles, websites, youtube videos, etc etc etc)

Place 'em in the comments!

think of me ...

2007-11-29T13:47:00.000-05:00

Hello friends.

I have something that is important to me happening during the day on December 5th. And since I am a big believer in the power of thought, I was hoping you would all mark your calendars and throughout the day, when you remember, send me positive vibes and maybe imagine me being blissfully happy, deeply fulfilled and getting all that I wish for! If things work out as I hope, I will fill all of you in then. I promise! In the meantime, I would love it if you all would send me your fabulous love and support to help guide me through.

p.s. It has nothing what so ever to do with my health or anything else that would cause concern. It's more about a desired new path ...

sweatin' to the oldies redux

2007-11-26T17:33:00.000-05:00

Is this better, Boo?

and still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain

2007-11-26T01:18:00.000-05:00

A heart grows weary.

a cornucopia of love (well, except for big bird)

2007-11-20T00:01:00.000-05:00

What are you giving thanks for this year?

three things I've learned

2007-11-15T09:22:00.000-05:00

1. When it comes to love, no amount of effort on my part can cause someone to increase effort on theirs.

2. When your Mom leaves you standing naked in the empty tub at the age of 3 to go and answer the phone, you don't have to just stand there and wait for her to return (15 minutes later). You can:

a) scream at the top of your lungs until she comes back
b) climb out of the tub and wrap yourself in a warm fluffy towel
c) while still naked, walk over to your Mom (who is still on the phone) and with arms crossed and toes tapping tell her "we need to talk, lady!"

Knowing that there are options other than "waiting" is the greatest ah-ha of my adult life.

3. All my limitations have always been self-imposed. I'm getting out of the tub.

I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again ...

2007-11-03T12:14:00.000-05:00

I will be in Colorado this week. I hope to gain more clarity while I am there. Here is a picture of a Colorado sunrise for you to enjoy while I am away.

good grief

2007-10-31T14:14:00.000-05:00

most excellent post of the day ... love the "cabrio" bit.

snoopy knows what's up

wig upon my head, sheet from off my bed, all because it's Halloween!

2007-10-30T09:39:00.000-05:00

I give you this to help get you in the mood for tomorrow.

Instant karmas gonna get you, gonna knock you right on the head

2007-10-29T14:06:00.000-05:00

may we all get back exactly what we give out

all you need is love

2007-10-27T15:43:00.000-05:00

The experience of love is often more about how we feel towards someone and what we give out as an expression of that love than it is about what we get back. And then sometimes what we get back can surprise us in the most amazing ways ...

Lars and the Real Girl

makes you think all the world's a sunny day

2007-10-26T12:34:00.000-05:00

My vast sea of gray is ever so gradually changing to an array of color and my fear of the unknown is melting into a really nice feeling of excitement.

I'm putting on my ruby slippers and skipping along the road to find out.

And a little question for old time's sake ... what are you (and your children and pets) dressing up as this Halloween?

if I knew the way, I would take you home

2007-10-22T13:51:00.001-05:00

I am untethered in an sea of "in between" that feels vast and unsettling.

I'm really hoping to catch sight of the shore soon.

just the way you are ...

2007-10-16T16:27:00.000-05:00

A wonderful reminder to allow others to be who they are and to love with fewer conditions.

Releasing The Reigns
Changing Others

Our perception of humanity as a whole is, to a large extent, dualistic. We paint people with a broad brush—some are like us, sharing our opinions and our attitudes, while others are different. Our commitment to values we have chosen to embrace is often so strong that we are easily convinced that our way is the right way. We may find ourselves frustrated by those who view the world from an alternate vantage point and make use of unusual strategies when coping with life's challenges. However ardently we believe that these people would be happier and more satisfied following our lead, we should resist the temptation to try to change them. Every human being has been blessed with a unique nature that cannot be altered by outside forces. We are who we are at any one point in our lives for a reason, and no one person can say for certain what another should be like.

The reasons we try to change one another are numerous. Since we have learned over time to flourish in the richness of lives we have built, we may come to believe that we are qualified to speak on behalf of the greater source. The sum total of our knowledge will never compare to what we do not know, however, and our understanding of others’ lives will forever be limited. The potential we see in the people who are a part of our lives will never be precisely the same as our own, so we do these individuals a disservice when we make assumptions about their intentions, preferences, and goals. Our power lies in our ability to accept others for all their quirks and differences and to let go of the need to control every element of our existence. We can love people for who they are, embracing their uniqueness, or we can love them as human beings from afar.

Your ability to influence people may grow more sophisticated because others sense that you respect their right to be themselves, but you will likely spend more time gazing inward, into the one person you can change: yourself.

unitards like totally need to make a comeback

2007-10-15T16:49:00.000-05:00

oh ... this is good. this is very good.

(be sure to read the comments on the youtube page)

how much is that doggy in the window?

2007-10-12T10:02:00.000-05:00

a little serving of cute with a side of precious.

kittens!

puppies!

itty bitty kittens!

Happy Weekend!

you think she's an open book, but you don't know which page to turn, do you?

2007-10-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

I'm still trying to figure out how he does it.

book art

you'll remember me when the west wind moves

2007-09-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

a professor's final lecture ...

follow me

there is a pleasure in the pathless woods

2007-09-22T10:55:00.000-05:00

see this movie.

Into the Wild

there's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to find out ...

2007-09-20T09:50:00.000-05:00

There is a deep sense of calm to my life right now, and yet, underneath the calm I feel a storm of change and transformation abrewin'. Some of the things that fit so well only a year ago now seem to no longer belong to me or to fit, as though I am outgrowing parts of my life. It is as though my experience on Outward Bound opened up for me a world of possibilities and now I can't rest until I pursue some of them. So now I find myself asking questions. Lots and lots of questions.

What makes me happy?

What am I passionate about?

What would I do for a career if money were not an issue?

What am I afraid to do? And why?

I know that many of my readers no longer check this page, but if you do, I invite you to share your thoughts. Maybe ask yourself the questions above and share your answers if you feel so inclined. I know I'd love to read your responses.

impermanence

2007-09-10T14:29:00.001-05:00

I am back from my Outward Bound trip. I'm not sure where or how to start sharing my experience. Some things I can recall and articulate fairly easily, other aspects may take weeks or a lifetime.

I embarked on this journey with 11 amazing, diverse, brave and bold friends, who quickly became family. Together, we shared our hopes, fears, meals, struggles, laughter, tears and transformations as we meditated, backpacked, fought to survive in a violent hail storm at the top of a mountain, learned how to dig cat holes, had our breath taken away by the beauty of nature, survived our solos, learned how to survive in the wilderness and to leave no trace, practiced yoga at sunrise, held each other's hands as we faced our deepest fears and our biggest challenges, listened with open hearts, shared what we held within our vulnerable hearts, hiked at 4 AM to the top of a mountain to watch the moon rise, followed by Venus and then the sun, lied on our backs in an open meadow and gazed at the stars, awoke to gorgeous sunrises every morning, and drank more iodine treated water than any human should ever have to.

There was nothing that was off limits in our sharing. We were all there to grow, heal or let go and everyone of us succeeded in the most astonishing ways. I have been forever changed by the 11 people with whom I shared the last 11 days. I was anxious about how I would feel after I had to leave them and come back to my world. I am struggling with the re-entry. But I already feel so much is different. I hoped that this trip would help me put some things into perspective as well as be a symbolic journey through the end of one emotional and difficult stage of my life into a new one.

As I sat on the top of the mountain, above tree line, surrounded by an endless expanse of rocky peaks and open sky, I felt myself letting go of the things I had been carrying - in my heart and in my mind. I left them there, on top of that mountain, and as I put on my 50 pound backpack and turned to begin my descent down the mountainside, I felt lighter than I have felt in a very long time.

I'm leavin' on a jet plane ... don't know when I'll be back again ...

2007-08-29T12:21:00.000-05:00

I will be spending the next two weeks in Colorado, backpacking through the Rocky Mountains on an Outward Bound expedition. I will provide a full report of my adventures upon my return ...

Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day and enjoys the last few days of summer!!!

xoxo

Punky

the dream police, they live inside of my head ...

2007-08-15T09:39:00.000-05:00

more blogs I can't get enough of and a tricky riddle that has me stumped and pulling my hair out ...

http://mamalikey.blogspot.com/ - be sure to read "taking stock"

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/ - be sure to read back through the archives. hours of fun.

http://wtfcnn.blogspot.com/ - who writes these?

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/iacaptchas/ - this is my kind of test!

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/ - open letters to people or entities who are unlikely to respond.

http://www.1500videos.com/ - these are hard. holy hell.

http://deathball.net/notpron/ - riddle me this ... and keep the drinks coming.

Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home?

2007-07-31T17:25:00.000-05:00

Come play with me here ...

http://www.myspace.com/debferreira

so, why don't we get drunk and ... lose minty bear?

2007-07-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

Two blog posts that are definitely worth your time. One is touching, the other involves touching. Enjoy!

http://www.finslippy.com/finslippy/2007/07/rip-minty-bear.html

http://wherehotcomestodie.blogspot.com/2007/06/last-time-i-smoked-pot.html

you took the words right out of my mouth ...

2007-06-06T11:30:00.000-05:00

I interrupt my hiatus to bring you these blogs ... which I happen to think are pretty damn good, so I want everyone to know about them.

Love, hugs, kisses, chest bumps and sour patch kids to all!

http://www.fussy.org/

http://www.bohemiangirldesigns.blogspot.com/

http://www.amalah.com/

http://finslippy.typepad.com/

http://kickyboots.com/

http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/

http://www.schmutzie.com/

http://www.dooce.com/

And here to represent the male gender ... because men can write too ...

http://www.wittandwisdom.com/home/2007/05/the_500th_1.html

so goodbye yellow brick road ...

2007-04-16T10:55:00.000-05:00

For those of you wonderful souls who check this blog daily, I wanted to let you know that I am putting this blog on hiatus ... indefinitely. So, no need to email me and ask if I am dead. I'm not. I just have other things that are drawing my attention. Good things.

I will keep the blog up so you can read through any of the 600 plus questions and answers or feel free to comment in the comment section when the urge strikes.

Love and hugs to all the MOATies and to everyone else who reads this blog. I miss you all.

Also, the Daily Om and the Thought From the Universe changes daily, so feel free to check back in from time to time for those little gems.

xxoo

Punky

p.s. It is somewhat entertaining to scroll down through all the many posts and read only the headlines/titles. I believe I enjoyed coming up with those more than the actual questions. They always reflected where I was in that exact moment. Enjoy.

mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight

2007-04-09T09:38:00.000-05:00

Which commercial jingle always seems to get stuck in your head?

Last CD you bought?

When you are walking around your house, do you wear shoes, slippers, socks, or go barefoot?

Favorite pair of shoes?

Do you still have any toys or blankets from when you were a child? Does it hold sentimental value? Do you still sleep with it?

thank you easter bunny ... bawk! bawk!

2007-04-03T16:05:00.000-05:00

Profound questions for the masses ....

Marshmallow Peeps ... Stale or Fresh?

Chocolate Bunnies ... Hollow or Solid?

Jelly Beans ... Large or Small?

Cuter ... Baby bunnies or Baby chicks?

"Funner" ... Lying on your back staring at clouds and picking out animal shapes OR lying on your back staring at the night sky while counting shooting stars?

Better ... A perfect Spring day OR a perfect summer night?

Winner ... In an Ultimate Fight Champion match, who would win ... the Easter Bunny or Barney?

Tastier ... I leave you to ponder this tasty morsel ... which makes a better lunch ... the chicken or the egg?

It's just the kind of day to leave myself behind

2007-03-28T09:03:00.001-05:00

We have all heard stories of people surviving a near death experience. He or She was pronounced dead only to come back to life. And each time, he or she came back with stories of his or her experience on the other side. Here is a link to one particular story about a near death experience that I found to be amazing and inspiring. It's long, but worth the read.

http://www.mellen-thomas.com/NDE_story.htm

What is your personal take on near death experiences? Are they real? Have you had one? Do you know of someone who has? Is it just a chemical reaction? Does it give you hope? I'd be honored if you would take the time to share your views with me.

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven

2007-03-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

Spring is here! I cannot recall a time when I have so eagerly anticipated Spring's arrival. Spring brings with it the promise of joy, of laughter, of happiness and of new beginnings. There is an excitement and energy in the air. The trees are coming alive. Birds are singing. Spring is here.

What are you most looking forward to this Spring?

What symbolizes, for you, that Spring is finally here? Birds singing? Buds on the trees? Warmer days?

Do you have a garden? What do you grow?

Happy Spring to all. Much love, Punky.

I know you're out there somewhere, somewhere you can hear my voice ...

2007-03-14T10:05:00.000-05:00

You can receive the answer to one question, without fail. What question do you ask?

Do you believe in a parallel universe? Whether you do or do not, what do you think you are doing right now in a parallel universe?

so with my best, my very best, I set you free ...

2007-03-05T11:15:00.000-05:00

What comes to mind first when you think of:

the 50s?

the 60s?

the 70s?

the 80s?

the 90s?

What will this decade be best known for?